Praying When You Don't Know What to Pray

My friend T is going through a rough patch right now.

Her grown-up son has been struggling with mental illness for several years, and T and her friends have prayed for him fervently through this see-saw struggle. He's better for a while, and things seem to be moving toward the happy ending we've prayed for, but then things go south and he's fighting his brain chemistry and poor choices once more.

Yesterday T called me. She was on the verge of tears--she didn't know how to help her son, she was tired of the struggle, the mental (and financial) strain were overwhelming.

"I don't even know what to pray any more," she told me.

I thought about that all day. The Bible clearly says that "You may ask anything in My name," John 14:14. But we all know God isn't telling us He'll give us everything we want, even if we ask for it. (If that were the case, I'd be married to that cute Costa Rican beach bum I met in the Peace Corps. He was an unemployed janitor and perhaps not the best choice as a life partner, no matter how well he danced. Somehow God knew.)

So what can we pray for when we don't know what to pray for?

We can pray for God's perfect will to be done. This, above all other prayers, is guaranteed to be answered because God cannot work against His own will. It was the prayer Christ prayed just before He was crucified, a good role model for our own prayers. "I don't want to do this," the Son told the Father, "but if You want me to, I will."

We can pray to see God's will unfolding. We don't always, you know. A sermon I heard years ago pointed out that the Old Testament's Leah didn't know why her husband didn't love her and died knowing she was not Jacob's favorite wife. What she didn't know was that God was working through her to establish the tribes of Israel. What a difference it might have made in her life if she had prayed to see how God was working, rather than praying for her husband to change. We can, however, pray for reminders that God is always at work.

We can pray for the grace of the Holy Spirit to hold us up through the difficult times. One of my favorite verses, II Corinthians 2:19, reminds us that "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."

Of course, we can (and should) pray for healing of the mind of T's son, that he would be able to find a job, that his financial needs would be met, all the things a mother wants for her child. None of these issues is small in the eyes of God. 

But even when words fail, God's plan will be completed, and in His will, we pray.