On Making Big Decisions

This is the time of year the upperclassmen at Small College are looking a little haunted. It's a look I recognize from the faces of Boys who have been across the breakfast table from me across the years. The look is part I'll-never-finish-that-project-by-Friday and part WHAT-AM-I-GOING-TO-DO-WITH-MY-LIFE?

It's a classic dilemma of the urgent versus the important. There's what has to be done now, immediately, and that in itself feels crushing. That's the urgent. But when you reach the end of a life stage (high school, college, kids-at-home motherhood, career) you also have the important decisions. What am I supposed to be doing next?

So how do you make these decisions? Even those of us who believe God has a plan for our lives struggle with this, but Jesus spoke to this issue in clear terms. The key verse that should govern our decision-making process is Matthew 6:33:

Seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you.

Of course, Jesus is talking about making a living, saying that non-believers concentrate on this as the most important decision of their lives. How will they provide for themselves? How will they make enough money to buy food and clothing?

But in His "consider the lilies of the field" admonition, Christ says that the first questions should be "How will I serve God? Where will I find Him working in my life, and honor that?" Answers to all of your other life choices will fall in place when you concentrate on this, He says. The Message version of the New Testament puts it this way:

Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don’t worry about missing out. You’ll find all your everyday human concerns will be met.

What is your ministry? Where is the place God has designated where you can serve Him productively and joyfully? If you took the whole career issue out of the equation, what would the answer to these questions be?

When you figure that one out, everything else falls in place.

Why I Pray

Here's the thing about God: He knows everything.

He already knows that my mother-in-law is in pain and that I'm worried about her. He knows about my friend's children who are traveling and about today's Supreme Court deliberations. He knows about the drought, and that my young friends yearn to adopt.

So why am I praying about all of those things?

Do I believe if I shout loud enough God will say, "Wow! She really MEANS it! I'd better move those prayers to the top of the chain, and FOR SURE I'm going to have to give her exactly what she's asking for."

Or do I believe that if I have a concern and can recruit enough people to pray, by the sheer overwhelming number of votes I can cast for my side God will give me what I want? Do I think those folks who pray to win reality shows are doing God a favor by cuing Him in to the fact that they LOVE Him, so He should divinely intervene in the outcome of that show?

Well, no. I do not believe any of those things.

What I believe is that when I pray, it is not so God can hear me, it's so I can hear Him. It's the sacred time when He has my attention, on the subject I have chosen to bring to Him.

Sometimes He tells me to remember His character. That I can trust Him. That He's in control. That He loves me, and the person I've brought before Him, and He has our best interest at heart. That I need to chill the heck out and know He's a hands-on God whose fingerprints are all over the situation.

Other times He tells me to get busy being His hands and feet. Send a card. Take a meal. Hug. Babysit. Donate. Write a letter to an elected official. Give someone a cup of water to drink in His name.

But in all cases, He is sovereign. He does not need either my opinions or my advice, He only needs my attention.

I don't pray so I can tell God what to do; I pray so He can tell me what to do.

A Roadie for Jesus

My Bible study group is doing something unusual this spring: We're studying the Bible.

I know! What a wild and crazy concept! But this quarter, instead of working from a study guide that is someone else's interpretation of  the Christian life manual, we're reading through the New Testament together and pulling apart passages many of us know practically by heart.

It's astonishing how often we find a passage that, in spite of our familiarity with the words, seems to be something we never knew before. Last night, for example, we noted how Luke listed the group traveling with Jesus during His ministry. In addition to the apostles, Jesus is accompanied by Joanna, Susanna, Mary Magdalene, and several other women.We envisioned them cooking and cleaning for the entourage, sewing up worn clothes and making sure everyone was carrying a water bottle.

"Jesus had roadies!" R said. "I can be a roadie for Jesus!"

She laughed when she said it, and I'm sure she meant for us to laugh, too, because the thought of R as one of those muscular young men who set up venues for rock bands was laughable: She's in the mid-stage of a valiant battle against muscular dystrophy, and even cutting an apple for her lunch is a struggle.

But then I thought about what Jesus requires of those of us who are working for Him: To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with our God. He wants us to WALK with Him, and because what she can do physically has been limited by her disease, R's walk with God is constant and consuming but not physical. "We talk to each other all the time," she says. She is the person all of us think of first when we have a special prayer request and need someone to stand beside us.

That made me think of other Jesus roadies I know--the ones who deliver Meals on Wheels, the ones who write encouraging notes, the ones who lead singing or sit in the nursery so parents can attend worship. This is a mighty big concert, and it needs all kinds of workers.

We all can be roadies for Jesus.

A Good Boss

I don't supervise a lot of people--a couple of full-time employees, a handful of part-time workers, several students. But I've been a boss for a couple of decades now, and I've had a boss for a lot longer than that, and the most truthful thing I've learned about bosses through all those years has been this:

A good boss can deal with anything, as long as he/she knows about it.

Over the years I've had to let my boss know I've screwed up many (many) times. The time I wrote a personality profile that inadvertently slandered the ex-president of our organization. The time I mis-read a statistic and the subsequent brochure had to be discarded because I passed the mis-reading along in print. The time I didn't catch an error and the wrong telephone number was published in an important document. I could go on and on until the internet ran out of room for cataloging my mistakes.

People who work for me have made mistakes, too. They've designed artwork that was the wrong size, and spec-ed the wrong color, and on one memorable occasion, faked photography with a non-functioning camera.

But I've learned from my good bosses how a good boss deals with mistakes: We shake our heads a couple of times, maybe roll our eyes, then we say "So what's the solution for this?" and we move on, expecting that the person has learned a lesson and will doublecheck the statistic for the next publication.

I try to find out where the mistake originated--was I distracted or stressed? Was my employee undertrained or cutting corners? Then, as long as the underlying cause wasn't intentional or a lack of integrity, I move on.

It occurs to me that humans often make the mistake of thinking God is not a good boss.

"If I do something wrong," they say to themselves, "God won't love me any more. He might even tell me I'm not good enough for His kingdom. So I won't tell Him the mistakes I've made, and He won't know."

Eventually they accumulate so many unconfessed sins that they convince themselves God couldn't cope with such a terrible person, and they wander away from Him.

Or they tell God about the mistake, but aren't really interested in not making the mistake again. "God, I'm sorry I gossiped," they pray in the morning, gleefully looking forward to lunch break when they'll repeat the same sin.

God wants us to tell Him about our mistakes and ask for forgiveness, and if we are sincerely trying to find out where our mistakes originated and fix the problem, He joyfully forgives. He promised in Psalm 103:12 that He'll take those mistakes and send them "as far as the east is from the west."

God can deal with anything we tell Him about. God is a good boss.

Sorrowing Mothers

Photo from The Telegraph

I was an elderly first-time mother.

No, I'm not being self-deprecating--this was the official diagnosis from my wonderful obstetrician. In fact, he teased me as he congratulated Husband and me on our new stage in life.

"Get ready," he said. "You have 18 years of worrying in front of you."

"Great," I thought. "I'll be 50 years old by the time I'm able to stop worrying."

You're laughing at me now, aren't you? All of us whose children have entered the age of majority know that there's nothing magical about the age 18. We continue to worry about our children, even as we have less control over their actions and circumstances.

Right now I seem to have an uncommon number of friends whose newly-grown children are in crisis. They're fighting the demons of mental illness, struggling with health issues, dealing with unemployment or debt or loneliness.

Last week one of those mothers had her arm around my waist as she talked about the iconic mothers of the Bible.

"I think about Mary and Elizabeth, and how excited they were when their babies were born," my friend said, "telling each other 'blessed are we among women!'"

But then, both of these mothers saw their sons endure pain that was physical, emotional, and spiritual, before suffering humiliating deaths. The number of tears they must have shed is unimaginable.

"They had to watch that, and they couldn't do anything about it," this friend said. "They just had to have faith in God's plan and know that He was working in the lives of their sons."

And of course,  the work God was doing was divine, and the humiliating deaths turned into triumphant work for His kingdom.

Today I'm praying for all mothers of adults who are suffering, that these mothers' faith in God's plan would be strong and shining, even through their tears.

The Perfect Accompanist

Last week, when Boy#3 presented his trombone recital in Small Town, I was at the piano. I had been his accompanist since he started taking lessons in fourth grade, and he is such a sweetie that he wanted me on the bench one last time now that he's graduating from college with a performance degree.

Unfortunately, I am not a great piano player. I'm okay, and I will completely own the fact that I am an AWESOME sightreader. But my best asset as a pianist is that I'm willing to do it, not that I embody brilliance at the keyboard.

Three knew this, and he chose pieces to play at his hometown recital that mostly catered to my semi-competence. A couple of Handel pieces, another selection that was unaccompanied. But the final piece, the show-stopper, was hard. (Or, as I whined to Husband, it was HAAAAAAARD.)

I practiced and practiced and practiced, and still it was not perfect. On the night of the performance Three had to wait for me to catch up a couple of times, and I know that he didn't sound as good as he could have. He was supporting me instead of the other way around. But we ended at the same time so I called the performance a success.

A few days later Three gave his senior recital at his own university, this time with a professional accompanist. She was quite simply amazing. Taking the same notes I had practiced, she was in control of the music and played it perfectly. As a result, Three was freed to just play without worrying whether she could keep up or would know what to do, and his own performance was elevated immeasurably.

It struck me that this contrast is a good illustration of my spiritual life.

I have chosen to follow God, the One who is in control, perfect, and loves me without limit. And in spite of KNOWING that He is in control, perfect, and loves me without limit, I sometimes feel I need to support God, as if He weren't playing His part perfectly. I don't use the gifts He's given me as fully as I could or should because I am not trusting that He's doing His part to support me.

Isn't that ridiculous? If I lean on the non-divine aspects of my life there's always the chance they'll let me down. My job, my talents, my family and friends--they're wonderful, and I love each of these, but they can't be perfect. Only God frees me to do my absolute best, without worry that He won't be able to do His part or fulfill His promises.

I need to lean on him--He's the perfect accompanist.

Across the Divide

I'll start this *cross-posting with an Andy Rooney-ism:

Have you ever noticed how the words "woe" and "woo" are only separated by one letter? No? How about now?

WOOOOOOO!

WOOOOOOE!

It's a difference that's just about as thin as the margin of victory/defeat that separated my WOO! friends from my WOE! friends. If you read social media at all, though, you would never, ever know this.

WOO! my blue friends say. "Woo! for four more years! And increased prosperity! And peace among all nations! And bluebirds and happiness!"

WOE! my red friends say. "Woe! for four more years! And bankrupting of the nation! And national weakness! And good intentions paving the road to hell!"

Well, in this post that already has just about worn out my caps lock, I have one more capitalized sentiment that sums up my post-election reaction:

PEOPLE! STOP IT!

The bottom line is that the United States is an enormous ship, and one person will not change the course of this ship. Electing either candidate would not have meant instant change; that is something that will  happen only slowly and only by all of us working together. Or if not all of us, a whole lot more of us working together than are working together right now.

So if you liked the results of this election, you'd better be talking with the people on the losing side--winning them over, and not just winning. This winning over will not occur through superior attitudes and clubbing about of the head and shoulders of those who did not win.

If you did not like the results of this election, you'd better be talking with the people on the winning side--because standing there with your fingers in your ears saying "I can't hear you" is not working. Not for your views, and not for your country.

Fortunately, win or lose, woo or woe, the sun came up this morning and we have another chance to do this whole messy process again, and to do it better next time.

Also, God is in control.


*In the academic world where I work, a cross-posted course is one that can be taken for credit in two different departments. "The History of Mathematics" might count to fulfill requirements in both history and mathematics, for example. If I were giving credit for reading my blogs, I'd give credit to people who read because I'm an empty nester and to people who read because I love God.